Make your relationship better

Average Poster Joined: Jan 05, 2007 Posts: 110

Rina, I 'm so agree with you about the wives thing...
God created Adam and Eva , not Adam, Eva + 1, 2 or more women for Adam. So, that meant from very begining: marriage for 2 people- one woman and one wife. And again- we are not animals where one male for couple females.

But there are many usefull things in this article that can work on any family

Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 4:37 am

I was talking to a lady who turned muslim in order that
she could marry her husband. She already has children
from a past relationship.
He knew that she had been sterilised (unable to have more
children) before they got married, though he did express
his desire to have children one day.
They have been married 5 years, and now they are having
marital problems because of this matter.

This is his plan..he will marry a woman from Mali his native
country,but will only visit Mali every 2 years.
By the way he is married to an American and both live in
USA.
She is of the mind that she can help him raise the child.
Now since he will not be bringing the 2nd wife to USA,
and only visiting his 2nd wife in Mali every 2 years,
my questions are...
1 how is she going to deal with her sexual needs for 2 years
in enforced celibacy?

2. How can he b a parent to his baby?

3 Is it his plan to take the baby from the mother and
bring the child to the USA, leaving the mother
husbandless and childless?

All I see here are complications,all because he wants what
he wants and does not care whom he hurts along the way.

Average Poster Joined: Jan 05, 2007 Posts: 110

I think the problems here is not because he is muslim, but because there is really no understanding from his side. He is selfish .. that's it. There is no respect from him to his curent and future wives

Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 5:12 am

Uliya this is about being Muslim and the Malian traditions.
His father has been pressuring him and reminding him
that as a good muslim he MUST marry more wives and
have children.
He spends most of his wages on his family back home
in Mali and this is another factor that is driving a wedge
between the lady and the husband.
As we speak they are not even living under the same
roof. It is now 3 months since he moved to his cousins
place.
I am not saying anything bad about Muslims..let me point this out.
Some of my family members are Muslims.
My Brother has no intention of marrying more than one wife.
He knows he can only give his whole life to one woman.
Women in Africa are seen as Baby making machines. If you
don't deliver the goods even if you are Christian or Athiest,
you will find that there is now a junior wife who will do the
job you can't.

Average Poster Joined: Jan 05, 2007 Posts: 110

Well, Sisi, there is nothing else I can say more. I know some muslim men who are like in your family , they want to marry just one women, and be happy with her all their life. Maybe that could work 600 years ago, but in todays world... that does'n work, expecially in the USA. That is just unleggal.
That man, he knew that she can't have a baby, he knew that he wants one. He marry her with knowing that.Why? Because he loves or loved her. He hurts her now, there is no love!!!

Well... that is coming too deep..
let's relax a little bit. Here is some funny quotes about marriges. Hope you'll like them...or some of them Smile

Marriage works best for men than women. The two happiest groups are married men and unmarried women.
-- Gloria Steinem
Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
-- Carrie Snow
The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.
-- Unknown
Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
-- Mickey Rooney
In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
-- Helen Rowland
My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
-- Roseanne Barr
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
-- Anonymous
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
-- Molly McGee
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
-- Patrick Murray
It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!
-- Richard Jeni
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings ... and lawyers.
-- Richard Pryor
In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'.
-- Sam Ewing (June 1994, National Enquirer)
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
-- Jackie Mason

Forums Moderator Joined: May 18, 2005 Posts: 1023

I noticed that too! But you know how when you see a bushel of beautiful red apples............no matter how beautiful........you sometimes only remember how dirty the basket was.....or some other bad minor issue? That's what happened!

It was an insight for me, because in many cases that I have come across in Liberia, Muslim women were treated as cattle...........please people ..."the ones I came in contact with"!

And the instances where I actually interacted with a man: was just ....... Shocked

On one occasion, I was told my "sole" purpose was for HIS pleasure. Shocked

I was like.....WHAT???? And told him where he could "jump off"!
I could do that, but how many muslim women can do so? Some never get the priviledge of a decent education........I guess the men think: what do you need an education for, if you're gonna be a "hole" in the wall or a doormat or maid or baby factory. Evil or Very Mad

Sorry y'all I know that was kinda graphic Embarassed

but my point exactly! Venting.......**exhale**