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Is it ok for a woman to ask a guy out

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SisiPancake
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 2:35 am Reply with quote Back to top

Hehehe Sisi don reach here first.

Why is this section empty when we have so much to discuss?

Ok let me ask a question,

Would you ask a guy out or would sit and wait, praying he

will notice you. Or do you think it is taboo to ask a guy out.

Keeping in mind that while we may not verbalise our intentions,

alot of the time our body language has already given us away
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arhzarh
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 2:15 am Reply with quote Back to top

[color=blue][/color][size=18][/size][size=12][/size][b]
"The Ten Most Dangerous
Mistakes YOU Probably
Make With Men—
And What To Do About It..."

Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Women Keep Themselves From Living The Love Life Of They're Dreams— And How To Make Sure You Avoid Every One Of Them... read more
MISTAKE #1: Betting Your
Love Life On His “Potential”

Do you know any women who want the man they're dating to behave differently?

Of course you do.

And just like me, I'm sure you have friends who date guys who don't have much going for them or who don't treat them very well.

Somehow these women always have an excuse for the guy's shortcomings.

What's going on here?

It's actually very simple.

Women (and men) don't base their choices of men on how "nice" or "good" someone is to them day-to-day.

Women choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.

And guess what?

Some women will continue to put up with a guy that doesn't treat them very well.

Sometimes for months or years...

But why in the world would a woman do that!?

Well, to put it simply, they confuse the strong attraction they feel for the guy with a deeper "connection".

Women who do this are doomed to end up in failed relationships with the "wrong" guys.

How do I know?

Because I've seen it at least a hundred times...

And because I've been this guy in the past myself.

Thinking back on past dating and relationships I've had, I was selfish and didn't offer much.

I'm amazed the women put up with me.

But they did...all the while hoping that I would somehow change.

The women I dated hoped I'd change.

The only thing they saw in me that led them to want to keep me around was the "potential" they saw in me to share my feelings and communicate with them.

The potential for something better and the potential for me to change and be a better lover, boyfriend, companion or whatever...

The truth was, I was hopelessly bad at these things at the time.

And more importantly, I wasn't even at a place in my life where I knew how to or was interested in developing a deep and committed relationship - with ANYONE.

But deep down these women believed that if they tried hard enough, that it would make up for what was lacking.

They believed that I could become someone else with them.... and that this would be easy for us both.

Talk about a losing battle.

It doesn't make a lot of "logical" sense...

But until you accept that lots of women do this AND that YOU could be doing it on some level, you'll NEVER have the success with men that you choose and want.

Click Here Now To Learn More Secrets About Men
MISTAKE #2: Assuming You
“Get” Men & Their Psychology

Men are different from women.

You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.

When a woman sees a man, she can very quickly pick apart certain things about his style, body language, status and character that will tell her all kinds of things about him.

Lot's of women don't even consciously see that they do this because the process is so obvious and simple for them.

But does the same apply for men?

As you probably already know, men are generally more visual.

As a result, they often don't understand non-verbal communication as well as women.

And men often lack what women have in emotional awareness and "intuition".

Women don't seem to remember this about men.

So do men feel sexually attracted to women based just on looks? Or is something else going on?

Well, after studying this topic for years now, and talking to thousands of men and women, I can tell you that men have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks.

Especially when it comes to longer term relationships.

Looks just happen to be the most obvious way...

But looks are NOT the most powerful.

If you know how to use your body language AND communication correctly, you can make men feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see that hot, great looking guy that you got to know.

But it's not an accident.

You have to LEARN how to do this.

And ANY woman can learn how...


MISTAKE #3: Pretending To
Be Something For A Man

In the desire to please a man, women are constantly doing things to get a man's attention, to get him to like them or to make him more attracted or in love with them.

Another HORRIBLE idea.

Lots of women mistakenly think that doing unusual things to try and get a guys attention will make him magically see what a great catch they are and want to be with them.

Wrong.

Men YOU TRULY WANT are never attracted to the types of women who kiss up to them, make weak plays for affection or complain to get what they want... EVER.

Don't get me wrong here. Things like being sexy for a man or encouraging him to share his feelings can be good, but it has to be genuine, unselfish, and most of all timely.

You don't have to act like an "easy" woman for men to like you, and you certainly don't have to play like he's some gift to the Earth.

Doing these things actually works to subtly, at an subconscious level, lower your social status with a man, which has EVERYTHING to do with how he sees you as a woman.

So if you think that making him more attracted to you means "playing to the man's fantasies" from the start, think again.

You'll never succeed by looking for a man's approval, finding your way into his heart through sex and not being yourself.


MISTAKE #4: Sharing How You
“Feel” Too Early With Him

Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most women make with men is sharing how they "feel" too early on.

Listen...

Attractive, single, successful men are rare.

They get a LOT of attention from women.

Most women don't realize this, but attractive men are being approached in one way or another all the time by women.

And guess what?

Attractive wen have usually dated a lot of women.

That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.

They know what to expect.

And one thing that turns an attractive men off and sends him running away faster than just about anything...

It's a woman who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates.

This signals to the man that you're just like one of those "clingy" stereotype women who want to rush into a relationship and can't control yourself from wanting a man to fulfill them and complete their lives.

This does NOT spell ATTRACTION for a man.

Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.

There's a much better way...


MISTAKE #5: Misreading The
Important “Signals” That Men Send

Men are constantly communicating how they feel about a woman and giving away big secrets about themselves.

Most women don't pay attention to these signals or recognize them for what they really are.

The signals men send have 4 main levels:

1) Social: Where the man is at in his own life - stability, confidence, direction

2) Emotional: Whether or not he's "emotionally available"

3) Physical: If he's attracted to you... and for what reasons

4) Love State: If he's open to building and growing a relationship in the future

The funny thing is that men send signals in these areas completely on accident.

That's great news to women...

Men can't help it!

You need to learn to recognize these signals to get anywhere serious with a man.


MISTAKE #6: Relying On
Your Natural Ability To
Judge A Man's Character

People aren't easy to figure out.

Especially men.

The last several years of my life I've spent hundreds of hours learning to understand people.

I've studied peoples behavior, "inner psychology" and more specifically how they think and act when they're dating.

From what I've seen, both men and women have their own secret ways of saying things.

But you can only see these secret communications if you know what to look for.

Women communicate with hints, body language, sarcasm, and flirting when they're first getting to know a man.

They can either directly or indirectly let men know if they're open to something more serious.

Men are different.

Men generally communicate with sarcasm, humor, cockyness and other "indirect" displays of status.

VERY RARELY will a man be able to honestly communicate to a woman whether or not he's ready or capable of developing a meaningful relationship.

Aside from their sexual interests, men send very indirect signals about where they're at.

If you don't know how to read through the signals men send, then you'll get the wrong message.

Getting the wrong messages from men causes women more pain and heartache than any other issue around.

You can avoid this pain if you learn to indentify a good man from a bad one.


MISTAKE #7: Expecting A
Relationship To Make You Happy

A mistake I've seen women make is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled.

And sure, there are situations and relationships where this happens.

But those are the exceptions, not the rule.

Nothing says "Run!" to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her.

And the men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren't exactly the most healthy, loving, nurturing people out there.

Think, "controlling, macho, or serious Mom Issues!"

So let me be clear...

I think it's important that people help fulfill each other in their lives, whether it's dating, a relationship, whatever.

But if a woman communicates that she's looking for a guy to take care of her, complete her, make her whole, and all that kind of stuff - it has a VERY negative effect on what the man will think of her.

It doesn't have to be spoken by the woman either...

If a woman thinks or feels this way, the man will see it and pick up on it, regardless.

This is arguably the worst thing a woman can do early on when dating a man.

So what can you do as a woman?

You can get the man interested and involved in your life in a more "natural" way, where he'll be motivated to make you care about your happiness and fulfillment on his own.

This is the only way it really works for people - male or female.

Self-motivation is much stronger than external motivation.

But you have to know how to create this situation with a man... and it rarely happens by accident.


MISTAKE #8: Trying To “Convince”
Him To Like You Or Love You

What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like... but he's just not that interested or isn't as serious?

Right! They try to "convince" the man to feel differently.

Well, I have news for you...

YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!

Never, ever, ever.

You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning".

Think about it.

If a man doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being "reasonable" with him?

But we all do it.

Men are the worst at this by the way.

They're always complimenting women who don't like them and buying them gifts.

Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man.

She might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn't change the way she FEELS about him.

When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches.

Bad idea. Another one that will never work.


MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing
What To Do In Each Type Of Situation

A man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman...

And I don't mean just sex.

I know, it might be hard to believe, but if you're out on a date with a man, he already has an idea of what he wants from you.

And if you don't know HOW to find this out, and you just sit there looking at him and flirting, or trying things you think will make him want you, he won't help!

If you don't know what to do in each situation, you'll probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.


MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help

This is the biggest mistake of all.

This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want.

I know, you don't like to make yourself look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.

Hey, I've been there myself.

Let me tell you a little about me.

Over the last few years it's been hard to watch the women around me (even those I dated) struggle to understand the men they were attracted to or dating.

It frustrated the hell out of me and I made the decision to do whatever it took to help the women I knew learn how to be successful with men and dating.

Well, after a lot of hard work and doing all kinds of crazy things to learn the real-world truth about men and women, I finally figured things out for myself.

I've read hundreds of books on psychology, human behavior, dating/relationship advice for men and women, love, attraction, communication, and more. The list goes on.

I can now approach just about any situation with dating and feel confident and understand everything that's going on in an interaction.

Best of all, I've been able to share my knowledge and help women become more successful with men and dating.

It's been a very rewarding experience, and it's how I became fascinated with the female perspective in the dating world.

I've helped women get rid of that sick, insecure feeling... the one you get when you're lonely, you've been hurt or lied to, or when a man you have feelings for says "he's not ready".

You don't have to be afraid you might wind up being lied to, cheated on or that you'll end up alone.

[/b]
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SisiPancake
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 3:40 am Reply with quote Back to top

You have made a lot of valid points about man to woman communication.

I agree sometimes we appear too quick to express our feelings

This process is called nesting. Basically it means a woman is looking

at the man and working out, in her mind is this someone who can give

her healthy children, stability and is a strong man.

That is just how nature works. It is a shame that we have to be forced

to keep our feelings muted.

At the same time a man too is making his own assessments about

a potential mate. Like you said women are verbal, men are visual.


You mentioned staying with someone in the hope they will change,

I guess we can safely say..trying to change someone is not going

to help as people are usually set in their ways.

Relationships need to be worked on every single day.

If you love someone..don't be afraid to say it. The power of

love is everlasting, to the one receiving it, if they accept your

love good, if they don't, let them move on. Arrow

SisiPancake
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Rinabear07
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 10:03 am Reply with quote Back to top

You know I read some of what the gentleman posted, then I got lost......in all of his "ramblings", did he ever answer the question?

I am old school. I like for a man to ask me out. If I am interested, I will give you clues and signals to let you know that I want you to do so.

In the instances where a man may "read" the wrong signals, I will gently let him know.
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SisiPancake
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 10:23 am Reply with quote Back to top

Exactly Rinabear so in effect we give the guy the come on..or go away

signals.

It is nice when a guy reads them and acts on the invitation.

I got lost reading through his post. And no, he didn't answer

my question Crying or Very sad

Alot of what he posted was, I felt rather dogmatic. We

are all individuals and as such timing for each of us is not

the same.

SisiPancake
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Rinabear07
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 1:08 am Reply with quote Back to top

Sisi, I'm gonna have to learn some "go away" signals. Laughing Laughing
I just tell them I'm not interested! Nicely, but to the point; you'll have no doubts.
Now if I have to show you.......... Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil
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SisiPancake
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 1:44 am Reply with quote Back to top

Go away signals. what are those? lol you crack me up.
Some guys are determined.
Look I have even tried to dress shabby to put a particular guy
off. He laughed at me, saying that He knows my game.

Let me make you laugh...
There is this particular guy, who has been showing interest in me.
We would fight so much on the phone, I told him no way we would
ever meet.
He would send me SMS middle of the night saying I was rude to him.
I even told him please leave me O!!! I am not interested.
Girl he never gave up.
In the end I agreed to meet him.
The rest.......... Razz Cool

No wonder men don't give up when they Know A Good Thing.
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Rinabear07
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 1:52 am Reply with quote Back to top

SisiPancake wrote:
Go away signals. what are those? lol you crack me up.
Some guys are determined.
Look I have even tried to dress shabby to put a particular guy
off. He laughed at me, saying that He knows my game.

Let me make you laugh...
There is this particular guy, who has been showing interest in me.
We would fight so much on the phone, I told him no way we would
ever meet.
He would send me SMS middle of the night saying I was rude to him.
I even told him please leave me O!!! I am not interested.
Girl he never gave up.
In the end I agreed to meet him.
The rest.......... Razz Cool


No wonder men don't give up when they Know A Good Thing.

Sisi
That was playing "hard to get". Laughing Laughing
But there are those that will not accept "no", so I just don't take their calls, or I'll pick up and then hang up! Thank God for CALLER ID!
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SisiPancake
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 2:13 am Reply with quote Back to top

There is this guy, what I do when he calls my cell phone is.. answer it, then let him ramble on. but i don't talk. So he wastes his credit.
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Rinabear07
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 2:21 am Reply with quote Back to top

PURE evil..................... Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil I hope he's not a member here! Laughing
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SisiPancake
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 2:30 am Reply with quote Back to top

No!!! I meet him on another site. He got so abusive and started stalking
me. In the end he lost his account with the Internet Provider.
He found me again on another site lol and the cycle continued. This time I knew how to deal with the situation in a better way.
Now I just laugh at him contradicting himself. Everyone has worked out
how mean he is..so he gets himself into trouble with other people.
Fool has stalked me for 2 years now. What a waste of money and energy. Razz Razz
Nobody on this site has my number lol
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Rinabear07
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 2:55 am Reply with quote Back to top

Sisi
That man was in LOVE! Guuuuurrrrrlllll..................you must look real good, you know African men don't take abuse well!!!!! Laughing Laughing Laughing
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SisiPancake
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 3:31 am Reply with quote Back to top

This guy is MARRIED.
What do I want with a man with 2 very young children? His youngest is not even 2 and 1/2 yet.

I am sorry if I sound wicked..put it this way..I will never accept 2nd best.
Snatched moments of passion, after which he says..I have to go now.
Christmas, new year , holidays on my own. No way, I am worth more than that.
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Rinabear07
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 8:43 pm Reply with quote Back to top

See I thought he was in love and single............well shame on him!!!! I'm gonna get the 800 rejection number for him. If you listen to it, it is the funniest thing you'll ever hear! Give me a few days ....... Laughing Laughing Laughing
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SisiPancake
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 28, 2006 9:41 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Hurry up and give me the number. I have to hear it... Wink

Brothers we love you all.. please don't think we are running down the
brotherhood. It's just that some men will not take NO for an answer.
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